What Does It Mean to “Process” Something in Therapy?
By Allison L. Rivers, ASW — Mental Health Therapist
What Does “Processing” Actually Mean?
You may have heard people talk about “processing” things in therapy.
Processing a breakup.
Processing something that happened in childhood.
Processing grief, a difficult relationship, or an experience they can’t seem to move past.
But what does that actually mean?
You might imagine sitting in therapy and telling the whole story from beginning to end.
Talking can absolutely be part of it. But processing something isn’t simply talking about it again and again.
When You Understand What Happened, But It Still Affects You
Think about an experience you already understand but that still affects you.
Maybe you know a past relationship wasn’t healthy, but rejection still affects you. Maybe you know something that happened wasn’t your fault, but part of you still feels responsible.
Or maybe an experience happened years ago, yet remembering it can make your heart race, your stomach tighten, or bring back feelings that seem surprisingly immediate.
You can know something is in the past and still feel its effects in the present.
Processing is one way therapy can help with that.
It gives you a place to explore not only what happened, but what the experience came to mean to you and what you may still be carrying from it.
What Processing Is Not
Processing doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or deciding it wasn’t important.
It doesn’t mean forgiving someone.
And it certainly doesn’t mean finding something positive about an experience that hurt you.
Sometimes processing simply means that something begins to have less power over you.
You can remember it without feeling as pulled back into it. You can recognize that a belief you developed then, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t trust anyone,” doesn’t have to define you now.
Where EMDR Can Fit
There are many ways therapists can help people process experiences, and different approaches work for different people.
One of those approaches is EMDR, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.
Despite the long name, the basic idea is fairly simple.
EMDR can help people work with experiences from the past that are still causing distress in the present.
You and your therapist identify something to work on, and during parts of the process, you’ll briefly focus on aspects of the experience while doing a gentle back-and-forth activity, such as moving your eyes from side to side or tapping alternately on your knees.
You’re awake and aware the entire time. You’re still in control, and you and your therapist can pause whenever needed.
The goal isn’t to erase the memory.
It’s to help the experience feel more like something that happened then rather than something you’re still carrying in the same way now.
What Can Processing Feel Like?
Processing doesn’t always result in a huge breakthrough.
Sometimes the change is much simpler.
You think about something that used to overwhelm you and realize it doesn’t affect you quite as strongly anymore. You respond differently to something that used to set you off.
Or you remember what happened and recognize:
That was part of my life.
But it doesn’t have to keep deciding what happens next.
Interested in Exploring EMDR?
If something from your past still feels present in ways you’d like to understand or change, therapy can offer a place to explore it.
Monarchs Therapy offers EMDR and other approaches to help clients work with trauma, difficult experiences, and patterns that continue affecting their lives.